Noli Irritare Leones

Jill at Feministe has a bone to pick with this Abstinence Feels Good site. And, as soon as I look at it, I realize that I do, as well. It’s not the fact that it’s advocating abstinence till marriage. It’s not – well, it might be, if I bothered to click through to find out – the information. But before I even get to whatever information, true or false, it might have, I have a problem with the very first words it flashes at me: “It Feels Good to Have a Good Reputation.”

Now, I will, as much as anyone, use reputation as a motivator to try to keep myself doing what I’ve already concluded is right. What would I think if someone I respect saw me doing X? What if it were splashed on the page of the National Enquirer? And, for sex and relationships in particular, it can be worth asking if this person would kiss you in broad daylight in a public square.

But, frankly, as one of your main guides, I’m not convinced reputation leads anywhere very good, where sex is concerned. AbstinenceFeelsGood.com wants to persuade teenagers that a “good” reputation is one where you’re known not to engage in any sort of sexual activity whatsoever, but in practice, concern for your reputation can just as well lead to the belief that your inexperience is an ugly secret that you have to hide.

Ah, but what about concern for your reputation with exactly that kind of conservative religious crowd that the site would like you to please? Well, that has its own problems; shame can trap the victim of sexual abuse just as firmly as someone who’s actually doing something wrong.

So, yes, it feels good to have a good reputation, but first of all, it feels good to live responsibly; being a people pleaser should lag well behind that.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 10th, 2007 at 6:44 am and is filed under Sexuality. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.