Incredibly insecure (but oh so “upscale”) social climbing Harvard man seeks skinny, blonde, quiet arm candy for party
Or, perhaps more likely, it’s all someone’s idea of a joke. After all, it’s not as if the Internet is known for its absolute truthfulness. Guys searching Craigslist for women advertising no strings attached sex? Good luck. The real people in the women seeking casual partners section are far outnumbered by the porn sites, and half the real people turn out to be men posing as women. But on to the “Harvard” man. His ad (already pulled from Craigslist) has been extensively reproduced, and reads:
Harvard senior seeking female companion – 22
My final club has a reunion this fall, and my relationship of two years ended disastrously earlier this summer. I have an invitation for myself plus one, and am willing to show you a great time. It is a private party, in an extremely classy setting. There is no real way to describe how ornate the club is, but I guarantee that it will be the most upscale experience of your life. Think back to your high school prom, take away the terrible music, and multiply the experience by ten.
You must be white, 5′6″ – 5′9″, young, blonde, attractive, and intelligent. You must be in school, preferably Tufts or Wellesley but BU and BC are acceptable (definitely not MIT).
You should be able to hold a conversation, know when to be quiet, and polite in all your behavior. I have seen unruly guests embarrass members before, and I hope this won’t be a problem. This event is black-tie, and I am willing to procure an evening gown for you.
I hate to sound so harsh, but I have expectations to live up to. No Black, Asian, overweight, or unattractive women please. Ages 18-22 only.
Picture required.
One of the bloggers commenting on the ad explains the “final club” thing (there’s no such thing as a “final club” at Stanford, so I suppose it must be special to Harvard).
to begin with, you should already be ashamed of yourself for being a member of a final club – for those readers who don’t know, they’re all-male, predominantly white (no matter what anyone might try to tell you) remnants of those glory days when harvard didn’t let in poors, women, or minorities.
Now, the ad pretty much speaks for itself: the guy wants a woman whose main function is to impress his buddies, and thinks impressive means white only, skinny, just educated enough but not, heaven forbid, as geeky as an MIT woman, and quiet. No wonder his “relationship of two years ended disastrously”; he sounds like a real charmer. I’m almost ready to put it in the definitely fake category (Asian women aren’t sufficiently good arm candy? in what century?), but the fact that personal ads actually do often show creepy racism that people don’t express so much face to face leaves me uncertain.
The weird thing, though, is the way the various comment threads threads are turning up multiple actual defenders of the ad, from “What’s wrong with it?” to “Bravo to him for saying exactly what he wants. Forget the PC-speak.” to “I could care less what some dud wants to date, marry,or sticks his penis in. And I’ll be damn if some one tells me where to put mine.”
So, here’s the thing. Of course everyone has the right to try to date whomever he pleases. Dating, sex, and marriage are way too intimate for people to be obliged to date the right sort of race, appearance, and weight category to meet someone else’s expectations, whether those expectations are stupid racist and sexist ones that say this “upscale” and “classy” “Harvard” guy absolutely has to date white, skinny, and smart-but-not-too-smart-and-opinionated so she won’t upstage him (because a blonde from Wellesley would never be anything like Hillary Clinton), or whether those expectations are ones about being open to all comers.
Not only does everyone have the right to have racial preferences in dating; I’m not even sure all racial preferences in dating deserve to be called racist. At least not if they’re at the level of just happening to have your head turned more often by one race than another (as opposed to absolute refusal to even consider that someone of another race could be attractive, or, as in this guy’s case, being ashamed to be seen with someone of another race whether you personally find her attractive or not). I’ve known guys with a noticeable selective preference for Asian women, guys who only date women who are super skinny, women who are only seen with tall men, and one black man with a very specific “type” of skinny, short, fair complexioned white men. Generally I figure that people’s physical “type” isn’t my business, and long as the people actually involved in any relationship are happy with it, I don’t care what physical preferences brought them there. Probably I even have a racial preference myself if you showed me a bunch of photos (Match.com claims it’s either Asian, or else black hair and a hooked Mediterranean nose).
Not that I don’t think those “types” are influenced by our racial prejudices as well; they have all kinds of things to do with cultural influences, culturally constructed hierarchies of attractiveness, and the cultural meaning of particular racial features (as well as having to do with other things, like how you felt about your mother or father, and who was the object of your first crush). But, still, whatever the prejudices involved, who turns you on before you’ve even thought about it is a pre-moral thing. And, though many of us can be somewhat fluid and flexible in our preferences (how many guys are really incapable of finding Halle Berry attractive?), dating people who don’t turn you on at all isn’t doing anyone any favors.
But using dating as a way to prove your “classy” superiority over any woman who’s too black, too Asian, or too fat? That’s a horse of another color. Wanting only women who will defer to you by being “quiet”? Go ahead, knock yourself out, better you say it up front – but better you say it up front because you’ve shown yourself a fool that women should avoid.