Alone in The Crowd

9/11/02

 
I sit alone
yet in a crowd
alone in a crowd
how, you ask, can that be?
I wonder myself at times
yet I make it so
so how could I not know?
I hide inside me 
within my my misery
crying out to others
though no one can hear
I hurt always
in one form or another
yet no one can see
I wont let them
I lock myself away
in a corner of my mind
where no one can see me
no one can see what I am
no one can see the pain I am in
no one can pretend to care
so I sit alone, alone in the crowd
hating myself
in pain and alone
knowing that to come out
means only more pain still
so I will just hide
it feels safer somehow
maybe it is because 
it is what i have always done
I may never come out
I may never learn
Just leave me alone
dont worry about me
why should you anyway?
why would you even bother?
just look at me!
there is nothing special here!
it is just me!
a worthless mass of fat ugly flesh
given a name so common among people
and what is in a name?
a name is a lable
someting to answer to
I have given up trying 
to seek out annswers
so why should it matter to any of you
if I were to live or die?
if I killed myself tonight
why should you miss me?
you cant say you would!
no one in this crowd can
I sit alone here
no one here knows me
I sit here in this massive crowd
talking to no one
alone in the crowd
destined to be alone always
alone forever
lonely forever
and miserable always