What is it like
you may ask
to be born like me?
and to have lived my childhood
to be so small
yet wish to lose it all
for reasons one cant fathom
at an age so young
when most cant even use their tongue
I thought of death
many would question the accuracy 
of my memory
but I look back and what do I see?
I see the blank wall 
then I see the pain, oh the pain
the memories hurt
I wish I knew how to handle the hurt
yet I sit and watch 
over and over
as the four year old me im my memories
walks yet again
and picks up the knife
thinking things no child should
and should never have to know is real
and I feel nothing but pain
and wonder yet again
why me 
why was I cursed like this?
to be born this way 
to die this way
and continue to wonder 
what the point of it is
I look back 
I see pain
I feel pain
I look forward 
I see pain to come
for what else could there be
that's all my life is meant to be 
pain is the only constant in my life
its how it began
and so it shall end