I sit down to read
wondering if their right
thinking, hoping
that maybe its true
that this God they have
 that makes them glow
might give me what I need to
to make me feel whole
I hope I pray
that he wont reject me
still afraid that the way I feel
will reflect on how he feels for me
after all I don't see any reason
for this God of theirs to care for me
especially when I don't care for me
but I sit and I read
I try to understand
though much of it baffles me
I don't understand why
why I ask does this God care so much?
I don't understand
I don't deserve any of this
I don't deserve the sacrifice in the stories I've heard
and am beginning to read for myself
I don't understand why he cares so much
to continue calling to me of all people 
even though I try to tell him im not worth it
I cant count how many times 
I've found myself coming so close
to falling into his arms
and pushing away at the last second 
pleading for him to leave me alone
just go away I know I need you 
but I don't deserve you 
I don't know why you care
I don't understand what is out there
I see the proof though
I'm beginning to try to learn the truth
yet I still am scared
why does he care
about me?
ME?
Of all people 
why me?
why?
I have to ask why 
I just don't understand
it makes no sense
I'm nowhere near perfect
in my eyes I'm most likely the most imperfect person on the planet
yet I know his eyes are different than mine
I know only because he keeps calling
to me of all people
why me?
I don't know
why anyone?
We all have our faults that is true
yet me?
I can understand other I have met and seen
but what can I give?
I am so frightened that I can never be good enough 
for anyone especially God
so why does he want me?
me of all people he calls to
why? 
Why me?
I don't know 
I don't understand 
I doubt I ever will
I only hope 
I pray
that somehow I can learn what its all about
and maybe even find out why
I don't know
I may never know
I just hope that I don't muck up what he wants of me to bad
I'll do my best to do what he wants
I know its all I have in life right now really
is whatever God wants
is what I should do
I've never been happy
in truth I'm a bit frightened to find out
but I?ll do whatever it takes 
to please him
not for me
but for him
only because I don't  know why he cares
I only know that he does
and that somehow I may find the answers
to many more questions
in serving him
I?ll do whatever it takes
I don't know what im getting into
I don't know where I'm going
I only hope to get to know
the one who is leading