I search through the day
I search through the night
I seek a reason 
and find one I don't
I search and I search
and find nothing
nothing but pain 
pain pain pain
thats all that I feel is 
pain pain and more pain
so what do I do 
where do I turn?
What am I seeking you ask?
A reason to keep going
a reason to live
an answer to why I am here
what is the point 
is there a reason to it all
if I were to kill myself where would I go?
Would I disappear?
Is there a heaven?
Is there a hell?
If there is where would I go?
How do I know?
I know where I feel I deserve to go
after all a thing like me only deserves the worst
yet still I am terrified of what may lie beyond
why?
I don't know