Questions roll around my head
I have to get them out
I start to wonder day and night 
throughout the week anymore im always asking this
Is god even real?
 Does heaven really exist?
These questions attack me daily anymore
I often wonder if there is a heaven or hell
or is this it? 
Is this life all we have to live?
If we go on after this where do we go?
If there is a heaven 
and if it is anything like what I have heard
I don't deserve to go there
any god I have heard anything about
I often wonder why he would care
I listen to what im told
about heaven and hell
I read about it in fiction books 
by others who claim to know about it
and my feelings are 
that maybe god did send his son
but if there is a god
and if he did
I cant see him doing that for me
or why anyone would care about me
especially someone or something I cant see
so I sit and wonder often
is there a heaven is there a hell
where do we go when we die?
What would happen if I died tomorrow?
Or even if I simply gave in and killed myself?
Im tired of trying yet terrified of what may lie beyond 
I don't claim to know the answers anymore 
im tired of paying lip-service 
to things I know nothing about
so I sit and hide
and I ask questions of myself
not knowing where to turn
or who to ask
or even if anyone may know the answers
are there any answers?
I don't know