Rages

When the Diagnostic and Statiscal Manual entered its third edition, psychologists performed a long overdue overhaul on the term used to describe screaming fits. Hysteria was a problem because it meant a disease caused by the uterus. Nineteenth century physicians went to extremes that would make the most ardent proponent of female circumcism squirm in pain. Removing what was presumed to be a defunct uterus was a frequent cure for "female nervousness". Modern psychologists exculpate the uterus and note that men, as well as women, are quite capable of making a scene. For this reason, what they used to call hysteria is now known as a histrionic disorder, meaning quite literally that the patient is putting on a show for others. Histrionic means "theatrical".

There was a term for male "hysteria" that was but infrequently used: tarassis. Ganesha would appreciate any additional information on this term and the supposed etiology of "male hysteria".

Around the Naughty Bits

Chaucer, at a loss for words when he had to name the hairy mat between his lady love's thighs, had his Miller refer to it a "woman's beard". More vulgar names exist for the mass of hair that covers the female genitals. For those who hunger after a more elegant term, Ganesha is happy to announce that the word merkin will suit just fine.

Merkin refers not only to the natural hair covering: apparently there has existed in the past a market for wigs that are either made of the hair from or specifically to cover the area in question. At least one author suggests that the word might also be applied to the growth around the male sex organ.

Poetic and lonely souls among cannoneers gave the name to the fuzzy pad that they used to swab out the gun between blasts. Ganesha doubts that the real thing was ever used for the purpose any more than violin strings were ever really made of cat gut.

Dirty Money

It has never failed to amuse Ganesha that the word lucre, which means simply "money" and is often paired with the adjective "filthy" as in "filthy lucre", should sound so much like the word Lucifer, one of the names of the well known demi-god of evil. The two words do not possess common roots. Lucre comes from the Latin lucrum meaning gains or profits. Lucifer derives from the Latin word lux meaning light.

Most literate readers of this lexicon will undoubtably recognize the word lucrative as having a common root with the term lucre. Here are three additional words, not commonly seen, which come from the same family:

• lucriferous - profitable, lucrative. Perhaps not the most useful of the words here because its lexicographical niche is well filled by lucrative.
  
• lucripetous - money hungry
  
• luctation - struggle for success.

A word that almost sounds like it might belong with these is lucubrate. This means to "work by artificial light" (as Ganesha is, in fact, doing now). It thus owes its parentage not to lucrum as one might first expect, but to lux. As any observant and enlightened citizen knows, most wealth held today is not the product of hard work: it is inheirited. Those who lucubrate during grave yard shifts do not succeed in their lucations.

Tasting the Territory

If you have cats you have probably seen them walking up to something, parting their lips, and take a few deep sips of air. Your cat has a rudimentary nose of sorts on the roof of her mouth that biologists call the vomeronasal or Jacobson's organ, a relic of reptilian days that your pet uses to sense who has been around and has left their calling card. It looks like a pair of grooves, connected to the nasal cavity. Cats spend a lot of time rubbing their chins against things: a set of sebaceous glands here leaves a scent that we humans cannot (thankfully) smell well (if at all). The odor is particular to each cat. When a cat strokes you with her chin, she is sending a message to all the other cats around that she owns you. You are her territory.

Horses, cattle and sheep also use the vomeronasal organ. Biologists call the sampling of scent through this organ the Flehmen. When you see your cat walking around like a gourmet sampling the treats at a wine and cheese party, you can rest assured that the cat is using this hybrid sense of taste and smell to see who has been around and, perhaps, what kind of mood they were in when they came by.

Willing

Inheritance, anthropologists know, can be partible or nonpartible. That is you can either divide it up among your children or, if the local law/custom differs, give it to one.

Who gets the estate when it cannot be divided varies. Many places believe in the right of the first born or the primogenitor. Others prefer a system where the spoils go to the youngest or the ultimogenitor. Of course, while my older brother touts primogeniture as the best system and I, being the ultimate issue of the Robert E. and Florence Sax relationship, like ultimogeniture, the system of nonpartible inheritance often leads to fratricide, with older brothers getting poisoned so that the next in line gets the goods or younger brothers being smothered in the cradle. Perhaps it is best to just keep some distance for safety's sake and be prepared to share which is the American way.

Whining and Wailing

When English lacks a truly appropriate word, the smart writer steals. Yiddish is a wonderful language to abscond from and I have adopted into my own usage the beautiful word kvetch which means, literally to "press" but in idiom means "to gripe or complain". Kvetch, I believe, has already been stolen in transmogrified form as "bitch". It lacks, however, the sexist implications of bitch and refers, quite distinctly, to a human being rather than a female dog in heat.

One calls a chronic complainer a kvetcher. "Kvetch! Kvetch! Kvetch!" you can now say without giving offense. If you are the type who likes to fine tune her or his meaning, there are two related words you can use:

• kvitch - I'm a little leary of this word because it sounds too much like the b word, but it is used to designate a yelp or a squeal, a kvetch with an extra, plaintive twist in it.
  
• krekhtz - to grunt and groan. A very good term to use for what hypochondriacs use.

In her book Drek! The Real Yiddish Your Bubbe Never Taught You, author Yetta Emmes clarifies the usage of these terms:

If a man gives a woman a kvetch, she might, if she is surprised, give a kvitch and if she is angry, she will krekhtz about it all day long.

Pure Cattiness

The Ganeshas own three cats. This lifestyle has given us much exposure to the ways of felines and a need for a considerable vocabulary about the life and ways of our pets. Here is a list for true aliurophiles and the occasional aliurophobe:

• aliurophile - one who loves cats
  
• aliurophobe - one who fears/loathes cats
  
• calico - an orange, black and white cat (usually female)
  
• catling - a young cat, synonym for kitten
  
• clowder - a group of cats
  
• cluster - a group of cats
  
• cub - young of big cats
  
• feliform - catlike, cat-shaped
  
• feline - catlike
  
• flock - group of lions
  
• gib - a male cat (fixed)
  
• grimalkin - an elderly female cat
  
• kindle - a group of kittens
  
• kitten - a young cat
  
• leap - group of leopards
  
• leonine - lion like
  
• lynxine - lynx like
  
• molly - a female cat
  
• ocellate - having spots like an ocelot, namely eye-shaped
  
• pantherine - panther like
  
• pardine - leopard like, spotted like a leopard
  
• pride - group of lions
  
• queen - a female cat, especially a pedigreed one bearing kittens
  
• she-cat - a female cat
  
• tabby - a striped cat, sometimes with highlights. Can be orange or gray.
  
• tigrine - tiger like
  
• tom - a male cat (unfixed)
  
• tortoiseshell - an orange and black cat (usually female)
  
• troop - group of lions
  

Euphemism's Opposite

We all know what a euphemism is, particularly if we've read Jessica Mitford's The American Way of Death. The "memorial industry" has developed many references for the word "corpse" including "the dearly departed", "the late Mr. Jones", "the loved one", etc. They call themselves "grief counselors" to diffuse the fact that they are in the business of talking people into buying expensive coffins and grave sites.

Every word like this needs an antonym. The opposite of a euphemism is a cacaphemism. You have doubtless used cacaphemisms in your life before, you dirty little piece of shit you. (Just kidding for the sake of illustration there!) What about that crap they serve in the corporate dining room? Or how about that tin can that you drive? Or that dog you date? Cacaphemism is a term that deserves mention in our language because it identifies a style of metaphor that is quite common. Use it, but please, don't say this column is garbage, OK? Show a little appreciation!

Burning Things

And here is a list, a wonderful list, of the all-polluting, ever-noxious, addictive, and government subdized cancerizer, the cigar:

• cheroot Cut square at both ends
  
• madura Strong and dark
  
• panatela Long and slim
  
• perfecto Tapers at both ends
  
• stogie Long, slender and cheap
  

White Words

I've been compiling lexicons as an aid to the writing I am doing now. When I find myself getting a little short on synonyms, I can now flip open one of the pages I've written and pick a word. It was while compiling a list of synonyms for the word "white" that I came up with these selections:

The word Canada sounds similar to two words for white, candent (which refers specifically to metal heated to white hotness) and canescent (white or hoary like frost). When I discovered these words the other day, I thought to myself "Ah, now I know why it is called The Great White North!" But I was wrong. The name Canada has its origins in what I like to call a stupid white man story. European explorers arrived in the region, looked around, and pointing around them asked in their best French "What do you call this place?" The natives thought these madmen were pointing to their village.. "These are canata," they attempted to explain to the babbling arrivees. "Huts. Hovels." The explorers smiled, nodded, and wrote it down on the map.

Though the two words sound alike and have similar meanings, they have different origins. Candent comes from the same root as candle. Candent metals glow. Canescent comes from an entirely different root, the Latin word "canus" meaning white or hoary. Writers should pay attention to these different origins when employing them.

Another fancy word for white is cretaceous. Fans of natural history museums will readilly recognize this as name of the last period of the Mesozoic Era, before dinosaurs walked the earth. Cretaceous comes from creta meaning chalk. Fossils from this period were first described in the chalkfields of the South of England. I suspect this word would be very useful for those wanting to give a particularly delicate and ancient object it's own special feel.